Struggling to start something? Consider what DONE looks like ...

I recently saw a post on social media about a neurodivergent school child who had been asked to complete a piece of work but struggled to know how to start; the teacher showing them what the finished work should look like (the child’s own previously completed work) helped them to see what they were aiming for.  The message was “show them what DONE looks like”.   

Autistic individuals often tackle things from a ‘bottom up’ perspective, getting caught up in all the details first.  This can make tasks seem quite big and overwhelming and they can struggle with how to start.  Caveat; this attention to detail can also be extremely useful in many situations too!  Non autistic or neurotypical people are more likely to take a big picture or ‘top down’ view of things and then work out the steps needed to get there.  

Today I’m a particularly proud parent.  My eldest child (well, young adult), made their first ever bus journey alone, from one town to another, even changing buses halfway.  This might not sound like a big deal to most and even a bit late for their age but they are autistic and socially anxious, so yes, for us it’s a cause for celebration; I bought them a “well done” doughnut anyway!

This is something I’ve been building up to for a while and have pondered on how to make it as easy as possible for them, given they are not comfortable speaking to anyone.  So, last week, I showed them how to download the bus app and buy tickets in advance and then did the entire journey there and back with them.  So today they just had to make sure they got on the right buses, scan a QR code and sit down - perfect!  

Some people might think that they need to get used to talking to strangers, what if there are changes to the timetables or something unexpected happens?  All these anxieties went through my mind too but it's impossible to prepare for every eventuality.  By showing my child what the completed journey should look like together and an easy way to do it on their own, means that they know what they are aiming for (what DONE looks like) and are more likely to be able to problem solve those timetable changes in future if something goes wrong. 

I'm always getting held back by ‘bottom up processing’.  Thinking for weeks about how to write the ‘perfect blog’ has meant a real struggle to get started, but today I’ve decided to show myself ‘what DONE looks like’ by just having a go at writing one; now I can figure out how to get better at this in the future!

Karen Charman

Elephas Counselling 

Click here to find out more about me and neurodivergent friendly counselling!