“Consistency is key” doesn’t work for everyone

Do you struggle at being consistent with things?  Especially the things you know will be good for you, even things you enjoy?  I know I do.  There’s a constant internal battle; the need to establish a routine in order to get all the things done, versus the innate desire for novelty and not to be told what to do (even by myself!).  

If you have ADHD then often this struggle with routine and consistency is built in.  There is a whole market on social media now if your algorithm leans the way of neurodiversity, selling us apps, notebooks and planners claiming to solve this issue and they are sooo tempting (but my planner graveyard is a topic for another day …). 

Inconsistency is something that you might not have really noticed about yourself or viewed as an issue if you live alone. You’ve also probably done a great job of hiding it over the years and may even appear to be “hyper-organised”.  Truthfully, I can research and organise the hell out of something fun like a holiday, social event, or something that’s new and exciting to me; every detail will be triple checked for fear of people finding a mistake.  But behind closed doors on a personal level, the constant flitting from task to new project without finishing anything is not seen. 

If you’re then around someone who is observing your inconsistency, it can throw it into the spotlight and you might begin to question your way of being and attempt to change it.  But recently, trying to organise my day to day life in a consistent way has resulted in extreme frustration with myself when I can’t keep any routine going for very long, no matter how well colour coded my new system is! 

So what’s the solution?  I’m still trying to work that out for myself but ultimately I think it involves radical self acceptance of the way your brain works, accepting that doing the same thing every day just isn’t for you and working with the unpredictable and varying levels of energy that show up each day.  Also getting support from someone who understands you or is willing to learn is really helpful.  

If you want to talk to a counsellor who understands these and other challenges related to ADHD or Autism, drop me an email.  counselling.elephas@gmail.com

Karen

Elephas Counselling